I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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