well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
