My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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