yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
