i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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