the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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