You smell like a Billy Joel song
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish you could order shots online.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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