so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
