SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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