Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
