I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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