just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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