I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
