I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
