Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
