so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize