She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
COCAINE IS GR8
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize