Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
