Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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