I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
