in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
