note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
