...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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