I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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