White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
