and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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