Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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