escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
