Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize