We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
