Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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