is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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