She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
