ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I want to fling myself into the sun
Damn victory sex feels great
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
