Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize