Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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