my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
