I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
