So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
