I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
