Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
