Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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