Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
