im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize