NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
