Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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