Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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