i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
