Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
