I want to make a zoo with you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
