elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
