you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
