Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
