i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
