Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
