I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
