whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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