Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize