He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
