he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
