as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
