I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
