I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
