im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
