Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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