My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
