he was CRYING into my vagina
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
