im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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