it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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