she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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