what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
