Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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