That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
