She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
