Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
