ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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