It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
