never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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