Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
