he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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