shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
