The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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