MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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