I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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