that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
