he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
