Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
