I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize