I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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