I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
