11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
