Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
