Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
