Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
