My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize