she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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