so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
