Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
