dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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