Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
