did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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