So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize