There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
