Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
