u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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