Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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