You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
